It has been long since I’ve approached the end of a book. So today as I hit a sweet spot with the final pages of The Anthropocene Reviewed by John Green instead of beating myself over the sudden reluctance I cultivated for reading, I want to thank myself for being courageous enough to return. Having shelved a number of books, not returning to them even after promising I will, it was getting increasingly difficult to find a book to which I would stick, sufficiently interested, from page 1 to the last. Gratefully, with this collection of essays, I did reach back to reading. I may sound boastful but to have found the way positively in any direction amid the tiny, big turbulences of life which nowadays equals to surviving one wave after the other of COVID-19, is no little feat. So yes, from having achieved partial success in returning to books, reading and not merely collecting, the following are some lessons learnt.
Take it easy, take it slow: Reading is akin to loving. On some days you love like there is no tomorrow and on others your love lacks vigour. Nonetheless, you love. Likewise, reading can’t be mandated, it must come as a voluntary interest. Yet, even as your most-favoured interest, there are days when reading can resemble an exercise you can’t partake in. The lesson, do not stop reading. Slow down by indulging in short pieces or by exploring the variety of writings easily available on the beloved internet. Take it easy, take it slow but move ahead. Stagnancy serves the mind no good.
More importantly, slow down to understand the problem- have you been reading excessively or not mindfully which has caused you to stray away from reading altogether? Sit back, understand and analyze your reading pattern which may have undergone a massive change, albeit unintentionally, because of the never-ending pandemic and the grimness that comes along which is being fed unmercifully to readers.
My difficulty was not the inability to read but that of being unable to read longer works; concentration and interest were often short-lived which finally affected reading works of any length. I have remedied this by seeking shorter works. Off late, I am enjoying the brilliant, thought-provoking writing from FiftyTwo.in, Aeon.co, The Lit Archives, The Alipore Post, The New Yorker Magazine, Meera Vijayan, Janice Pariat, David Perell, Tishani Doshi and One Meerkat among a host of platforms/ profiles I can’t recall at this instance.
Rely but limited: I may have relied a notch too much on book reviews to pick my next read, not fully understanding the innate danger involved in doing so. Sounds simple, doesn’t it? Reviews, most likely a personal opinion of the reader, are a good tool to familiarize yourself with the work’s genre, the overall writing, character/ plot build-up and more, however over-reliance on them can prove unfruitful. Such indulgence cost me greatly as I ended up buying books loved by many yet did not enjoy them myself resulting in a reader’s block. It was only when I was piling books after books, read marginally, that the situation’s gravity landed upon me. Reversing the situation is a struggle indeed and I am yet to find the confidence of independently choosing the next read. Greater is the struggle to like what’s chosen! Ultimately, what works for one may not work for another, so try to choose based largely on information not opinions.
Forgive the aching, anxious self: Much will be left out if I do not mention the colossal damage that is the outcome of COVID-19. Earlier too, major events have struck but this shall be written differently in human history. In a sudden shift we were collectively thrust indoors where a majority of us still are. So, after living this strangely if anyone claims to be breathing unaffected they will surely fetch an applause. Challenges of the mind, body or emotions wrecked us all and in the pursuit of recognizing the forced, new self we grew distant from the otherwise dear habits. Personally, my peace of mind was significantly charred and reading did not bring it back. Even if I longed to read, as the mind refused to stay put, the strength to do so was amiss. With this too, the solution was to pause, accept and read only when there was readiness.
To preach is neither the aim nor my capability but by describing this experience I wish to better understand the unbelievable event which haunted me ceaselessly with a hope to resonate with at least a few of you.
Now I must return to the conclusion and hopefully to more books.
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